Hey there Clammers!
It is with broken heart I am writing this, but I wanted to get it out there fully. Hang in there as this is gonna have some details to it.
End of 2015, as you have seen, I fell very ill. The extent of which I have not been very vocal as I like to protect my personal privacy from cruel Trolls. But, the time has come. So here goes.
I had a very bad reaction to what was supposed to be a shot to protect me. My body was allergic to something inside and, well, it shut me down fast. It started spreading over my entire body shutting things down that I kind of needed. A few days prior to Christmas, I was told I may not last much longer. This was heartbreaking. How was I going to tell my family? My kids? (Yes, I have kids… another reason I am so protective and also why I started blogging). By some pure act of… I don’t know… I was able to fight off the infection, struggle to gain back some control of most of my body, and was able to continue on… but… I’ll never be the same. Ever. Every day is a fight.
Fast forward to 2015- current. Every day is a struggle for me. Some days good, others awful. There is so much going on inside of me wrong… I am grateful for every breath I take and every new day I wake to be with my Family.
Which brings me to now. Friday I was with someone I cared for who was given some grave news. He did not take it well. I knew he was struggling and hurting. We spoke. I tried to comfort him. Keep his hopes up. He lives not far from me so I offered game/movie/whatever fun night or next day. Anything to cheer him up. He did not take up the offer, but said we would catch up later. Saturday I worried about him, he wasn’t responding at all… and I apologize as this is very very very hard to write… let’s just say that I can’t shake an image out of my head of something horrific… and he is now passed on…by his own hand so to speak.
I have struggled and struggled to keep going. I never wanted to give up giving to others or to this site. But, this is the 3rd Suicide this year of someone close to me… and mentally and emotionally… with all the hatred, pain, heartache, and cruelty going on in my world and towards me… I just can’t do this anymore.
I apologize in advance to all of you that have come to rely on me, my posts, my help, etc to get you through the game. Your love, compassion, support, and even anger at the game has gotten me through so many awful days. I don’t think you realize just how much this very blog has kept me “alive” over the past few years. So… THANK YOU!!
I will allow the final few posts I put together to go up on the site, but they will be my last. I have a family in my life that needs me right now. Funeral Saturday. 3 Kids without their Daddy that now have to figure out how to survive going forward. My focus needs to be on my health, my family, and whatever potential future with what lil time I have left.
I love you all, appreciate you all, and hope you have a beautiful life. A full life. A loving and giving life. Know I will miss you all dearly. Thanks for everything!
I wanted to give a quick shout out to TinyCo, the team there, those that communicated with me day and night and weekends, those that were there to help me & Players after hours, to listen to my concerns, to give me the opportunity to show their game via their Players eyes… and make changes to reflect those discussions. There are truly some hard working individuals there behind the scenes that may not get noticed. You know who you are. THANK YOU!!
I’d love to reply to each and every one of you. I’ve been trying. Your words have touched me deeply. Brought humbling tears. I appreciate you all so much. ❤
I am going to now go silent now as the time is drawing nearer to Saturday’s Funeral. I find things more difficult and my emotions uncontrollable.
If you’d like, you’re all welcome to follow me on my personal page. I will try to update and check in there. Otherwise. Thank you all. ❤❤❤