Where the Hell….? Black Jesus

Hymns are falling, all around us, Black Jesus is praying, having fun, ’tis the season of prayer and….., oh sorry there I go again, mind wandering off in any old direction. A bit like Black Jesus’ not so wise words. Why do I keep going back to Black Jesus, well apart from the fact he’s the brother of Jesus, he’s only gone and come on a pilgrimage to Quahog, arriving in our towns as part of the Quahog’s Not So Silent Night.

But just where have we seen this guy in Family Guy before? Well he’s made a couple of cutaway appearances to date in the TV show and I’m going to highlight them here, along with a little reference to Black Jesus.

Black Jesus


Jerome Is The New Black – Series 8, Episode 7

With Cleveland long gone and enjoying his new life in Virginia, the guys decide they need to find a replacement friend. Brian immediately offers to fill the void but is kicked to the kerb due to Quagmire’s dislike of him. So they do the ext logical thing and interview for a new friend. And this process and a game of darts leads them to Jerome.

All is going so well Peter takes Jerome home to meet the family and it is this that leads to our first sight of Black Jesus. Upon meeting Jerome, Stewie can’t help but be his usual self and upon noticing Jerome’s crucifix he sarcastically retorts, “What’s that around your neck? Well I say it’s a little Black Jesus.”

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This leads to a cutaway where we see Black Jesus telling a group who have gathered round him that he, “…rode into town on an ass, your momma’s ass“.

However back in Quahog bringing Jerome home for a happy meet and greet with the family starts to unravel when it’s revealed Lois used to date Jerome. Peter is filled with jealousy and this only gets worse as time goes on, and before he knows it he’s throwing a bottle through Jerome’s window. And true to Peter’s luck this leads to Jerome’s house bursting into flames. This leads a panicked Peter to pray to not only God, but Black Jesus, which of course leads us into the second cutaway featuring him. This scene was actually cut from the TV version, and if you’ve seen it you’ll understand why the TV executives got jittery as we see Black Jesus in bed with a woman and commenting about how the Kingdom of God will soon be in her.

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The Splendid Source – Season 8, Episode 19

Peter, Joe and Quagmire are on a mission to find out the source of the dirty joke that makes Peter poop his pants every time he hears it. In order to follow the jokes trail they only go and sabotage an already planned romantic getaway to Maine with their good women. With an accidental on purpose wrong turn they are soon heading for Virginia, and once there following the jokes trail leads them to a reunion with an old friend, Cleveland. And it’s during a get together meal at Cleveland’s home we get our reference to Black Jesus, and this silly little scene never fails to make me laugh.

Pointing to a crucifix on the wall, Peter tells Cleveland, “You better hide the markers from your kids, someone’s coloured in your Jesus”.

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To which Rollo retorts, “Someones coloured in your ass with too much ass, fat ass!”

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So there you have it, Black Jesus and his mentions and appearances in Family Guy. Do you remember any of these episodes? Or have you never seen them? Do you now plan to watch them?

~ Russian Tigger
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12 responses to “Where the Hell….? Black Jesus

  1. My FPS Bunker goes days without wreaths…

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  2. Is anyone having the same issue I am??? I put 8bit Lois to get me a robo receptacle and she turns into Lois and gets the blues… after waiting to finally get a care bear for her I clear her blues.. she turns back into 8bit Lois but with no assigned action instead of heading to where she needs to go to complete action of box.. so I assign her again.. and repeat all over again… since the robo boxes came this has been the problem.. I emailed support and got a generic thanks for letting us know the difficulties completing the game stuff… I’ve missed out on quite a few chances for robo boxes..

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    • I had that happen once.

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      • For me it’s been every time.. at least 5 in a row.. I emailed again to be more specific about my issue and I got the auto response of drop rates are happening as intended message… disappointed because that means they really didn’t read my email :/ … but on a great note I finally got black Jesus today! Need onsie mayor and I’m great.. waiting on 3 more books..

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  3. interesting that, if Jesus ever existed, his skin colour would have been much closer to that of Black Jesus than the usual caucasian portrayal. What really cracks me up is when i see Jesus portrayed as blonde and blue-eyed and buff like he had a personal trainer.

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  4. Hry, I remember seeing a post ago about that drop glitch with the freezing on the page. I’m still having that. Have they updated anything yet?

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  5. Adult Swim runs the live action show Black Jesus. Nothing to do with the Quahog version. Seems Jesus was sent back to Earth to get a little perspective and he ended up reincarnated in Compton, California. It’s actually a sweet show and also very funny.

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  6. except that we dont have him in our games due to us all being stuck because of awful drop rates. No beach balls because i havent managed to unlock rupert and Bonnie us permanently stuck in the blues, no wreaths at all from the FPS bunker yet. Cant get robes because i cant attack the baby because i only get hundreds of stocking fillers useless blue boxes and no care packages. Useless! Too many things relying on one thing that relies on something else that also relies on something else!

    Liked by 3 people

    • some of us just got him

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    • Same for me unfortunately. I’ve written in to tiny co and the response was the drop rate are as intended. I haven’t had a cloud for Rupert in almost 4 days now. I set alarms for every 6 hours and don’t miss it. So for me as well, it seems like it’s not going to be possible to get Black Jesus. Any ideas on what to do? Just doesn’t seem right.

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